This is something that I want to write about a long-ago but I just don't know how to start. However, at this point, I need you to hear me and repeat it for yourself. Progress, not perfection.
I was lost for years just because I wanted to do everything right, perfect and flawless. I wanted to please every single person on this planet. I needed to be approved, loved and liked. Did I manage to do all that? Hell no! It is a mission impossible, my friends. And I don't wish for it anymore. Because now, I know that I grew thanks to my mistakes. I'm better because I failed over and over again. When I was younger, inexperienced and more judgmental to myself; I thought life is all black and white. A tiny mistake could be more than enough to ruin everything for me. And it did. God knows how many times I made a fool of myself.
When I was a teenager my favorite video game was Sims and I was spending hours in front of the screen especially during the summer months. You know, Sims is a simulation game and you are like a God in the game. You can decide when people will eat or if they will starve to death if they will have sex today or they will die alone... You can build a house, you can customize how people look and behave, you can live the life of your dreams on the screen. BUT I actually wasn't playing with characters because I was spending my days building a new home for them - obviously non of them were perfect enough for me. And if I could manage to do that - it was happening very rarely because most of the time I was feeling suffocated after a while and giving up - I was starting to customize my character and playing. Rather than having fun, I was torturing myself with details and boring stuff. The sad truth is I can only see this now. I thought that I was having fun.
When I started YouTube years ago - yes, I had a channel back in 2018 - I was so excited. As a person who is reading 5 books at the same time, watching movies and documentaries at every opportunity, interested in arts; I was full of ideas to talk in front of the camera. I started recording my videos with my phone and as you guess they weren't the highest quality videos ever. It was irritating for me, I was doing something like an amateur! I couldn't stand that idea and bought a very nice camera within the first month. I didn't even have 50 followers. Then, I learned how to use Adobe Premiere Pro Cc to edit my videos. I was able to do a great job but I couldn't. Because I wanted everything to be perfect, from the light to my smile; I was very nervous in front of the camera and I failed. In the end, I gave up on YouTube and deleted my channel. I could enjoy as an amateur and keep myself happy and motivated but I chose to kill my own vibe with perfection once again.
April 16, 2019 I gave myself another opportunity to follow my dreams. And dear friends, this is the exact point when everything changed for me. Actually no, let me correct myself. This is the exact point when I stopped chasing perfection. I signed up for a new Instagram account which I am still using today; and shortly after I built this blog.
As a curvy woman, I was so fed up with other's comments about me so much that I wanted to say something. I couldn't stay silent while people were describing me like I'm a default. I decided to speak up for myself. I wanted to encourage young girls to be confident in their bodies. So I started posting my thoughts and followed people like me. I found friends from different countries who experienced the same things.
Then I found my personal hero on social media. Jameela Jamil. She was brave to talk about orgasms on TV shows, she was actively and legally fighting sexist, racist and homophobic people and she was encouraging. She was telling that if we cancel people ( or ourselves) every time with their/our previous mistakes then there will be no value in learning. That is why progress over perfection. She was so fucking right! I mean even me, I was canceling myself because of my failures. I couldn't let this happen to me anymore. I wanted to set myself free. I needed to get rid of that weight on my shoulders.
In the beginning, it was soo challenging. I can describe the feeling like I was naked in the street. I felt vulnerable. However, I pushed myself A LOT. English isn't my mother tongue and I was doing grammar mistakes. So I wasn't able to create enough content as I wanted because I was spending so long time correcting myself and proofreadings. I said to myself " You know what fuck it, you will never be able to please everyone and do everything right! So just do it. "
Because at the end of the day done is better than perfect.
This is my story of appreciating the progress. Realizing the value of learning. Enjoying my mistakes. I don't know if you get my point or this post just doesn't make any sense to you, but I am very happy to share this ✨
I am very happy to be my own inspiration.